Secret Doors

it's been a while

2012-01-19T18:02:00.004-05:00

dress from altar'd state, dolce vita boots

so it's been a while.

here are my excuses:

blogger's inability to upload my pictures

exams

lack of motivation

not the best reasons in the world, but they will do.

some things have changed since I posted last. I can now say I am a legal adult! my 18th birthday was on the 9th. to celebrate I got my cartilage pierced. it was a pretty low-key birthday, but good nonetheless. exams have been this week, and lucky me I have come down with some sort of a cold. I'm hoping I will feel better by the weekend...which is tomorrow. wishful thinking never hurt.

by the way, I find out tomorrow whether I am accepted to UVA or not. wish me luck!

have a good weekend

xoxo

2012

2012-01-02T21:14:00.000-05:00

merry christmas!

happy new year!

I know, I know, I'm a little late. but it's better late than never!

I don't have any outfit pictures to share with you all, but I do have some random pictures that I have been hiding.

here's to 2012!

xoxo

things I've learned

2011-12-22T16:19:00.000-05:00

urban outfitters dress, miz mooz boots

so Christmas is on it's way. and 2012 comes shortly after.
2011 has been an interesting year. like years passed, I have learned many things and I have grown tremendously.

things I've learned

intentions can be deceiving
stay humble
it's important to laugh
actions have consequences
it's not selfish to do what's best for yourself
jeans are always fashionable
the truth can hurt
respect yourself
life consists of seasons that aren't always defined
twitter is addicting
movie tickets are outrageously expensive
iphones are taking over the world
I'm more than ready for college

what have you learned this year?

xoxo

mind blown

2011-12-18T21:33:00.001-05:00

f21 vest, f21 skirt

h&m top, paris blue jeans, dv boots, hollister jacket

please tell me how Christmas is in a week?
seriously my mind is blown.

another thing that blows my mind?
pinterest
I'm obsessed.

Source: Uploaded by user via Emily on Pinterest

Source: tumblr.com via Emily on Pinterest

Source: modelcentric.tumblr.com via Emily on Pinterest

are you ready for the holidays?
what is your latest obsession?

xoxo

layers

2011-12-06T20:47:00.000-05:00

f21 skirt, ll bean thrifted boots, target tights

I love layers.

your favorite way to layer in the winter?

xoxo

december

2011-12-04T16:20:00.000-05:00

h&m shirt, f21 skirt, dolce vita boots, target tights

it's december. time to make a wish list.

a new perfume

scarves

iphone case

it's beginning to look a lot like a list.

what's on your list?

what perfume do you use or like?

xoxo

thanksgiving 2011

2011-11-24T13:58:00.000-05:00

happy thanksgiving!

what my thanksgiving looks like.

weheartit

I'm thankful for

family

friends

ruby

puck

health

happiness

fashion

art

blogging

mashed potatoes

fruit

yogurt

peanut butter

my car

love

chai tea

senior year

weekends

christmas music

bon iver

mgmt

the xx

pie

mornings

a sense of humor

last but not least..

YOU!

thank you for reading my blog!

enjoy your day and enjoy the food!

xoxo

better late than never

2011-11-23T22:22:00.001-05:00

these outfits were from a while ago, but it's better late than never!

some other things that are better late than never...

catching up on some zzzzzz's.

I never knew sleep could feel so good.

getting a hair cut.

yes, I finally let go of a few inches.

cleaning my room.

and maintaining the cleanliness. weird, I know.

ransacking my mom's old clothes.

be on the lookout for some hand-me-down sweaters!

downloading some new tunes.

some dubstep is just not good after it's played three times.

love on top by beyonce

unbelievers by the dean's list

you da one by rihanna

brake by WZRD

girls who save the world by 3LAU

blogging!

because, well, it's been a week.

it's better late than never _______.

you fill in the blank.

xoxo

highlights

2011-11-15T22:07:00.000-05:00

h&m tunic, miz mooz boots

tj maxx dress, miz mooz boots

almost a week until Thanksgiving!

I don't know about you, but the holidays always bring back memories of where I was at this time last year, the year before, the year before that, and so on. it's like a few days a year are scheduled for inevitable recollection and nostalgia. the memories are bittersweet at times, but mostly good in the sense that you were surrounded by family and enjoying amazing food.

another exciting part of this week is the premiere of breaking dawn!

I am hopefully going to the midnight premiere, so I'm sooooo excited.

I've been waiting for this to come out for so long!

what are the highlights of your week?

xoxo

shoes

2011-11-07T18:25:00.001-05:00

f21shorts, urban outfitters shoes, hot topic t-shirt, charlotte russe necklace

free press pumps

steve madden wedges

on the list of things in life that mean the most to me, shoes are pretty high up there.

one of my favorite quotes about shoes comes from the movie In Her Shoes:

"Clothes never look any good... food just makes me fatter... shoes always fit."

While I hate the word "fat" or "fatter", this quote is just so....true. It describes exactly what shoes do for me and, most likely, many other women and girls. shoes have the power to make you feel better about yourself; they lift you to a whole new level of confidence (pun intended).

my favorite type of shoe?

that's a very, very difficult question.

but I would have to say it's a tie between boots and wedges.

what do shoes do for you?

what is your favorite type of shoe?

xoxo

and I'm back

2011-10-29T21:35:00.000-04:00

h&m maxi skirt, free people top

it's been a week since I got back from New York, and I can't believe I haven't posted until now!

My trip was amazing. I fell in love with the city all over again.

I was inspired by Teen Vogue Fashion University. All the people who spoke at the seminars were accomplished figures in the fashion industry. Basically what I pulled from the weekend is this: do what you do, do it well, don't listen to anybody else, and just follow your dreams. Yes, dreams mean working hard, but that is just a part of life. You start at the bottom, and you work your way up.

Aside from the seminars, I visited NYU and Columbia. NYU had a cool vibe and seemed to be reachable, so I am definitely applying. Columbia was beautiful, but is definitely a stretch. I am just applying there for giggles.

And yes shopping was done. I would like to say that I came back to Virginia with another suitcase full of vintage finds, but alas, time was of the essence and I was only able to shop at h&m on fifth avenue. However, the things I bought at h&m are amazing and I can't wait to show them to you! A particular jacket from the h&m conscious collection is my favorite purchase.

H&M

As for right now, I am stuck at home because it's a winter wonderland outside.

yet it's only October.

and it's still fall.

are you experiencing any crazy weather where you are?

xoxo

new york, new york

2011-10-20T21:08:00.003-04:00

ae dress, gladiator sandals

this outfit was from a while ago, when it was still blazing outside.

and as promised, here is a picture of my homecoming dress!

'twas BCBG

I'll snap a better picture of shoes for you guys, because they are the best part!

I'm off to NYC tomorrow for Teen Vogue Fashion University! I am beyond excited, and I can't wait to visit NYU and Fordham, shop, and eat.

I'll update via twitter so make sure you all follow me while I'm in the big city..

@secret_doors

updates will come soon!

xoxo

magical

2011-10-11T21:31:00.001-04:00

hand-me-down button up, f21 shorts, charlotte rouse necklace, gladiator sandals

it's officially homecoming week.
I got my dress.
I got my shoes.
and I can't wait to show you guys.

I was trying really hard to save my money for my NYC trip, but I couldn't help myself and I splurged on an insane pair of Steve Madden shoes. you should have seen my face when I tried them on. I don't want to sound cheesy, but it was magical.

as far as NYC goes, anyone have any amazing shopping or dining suggestions? time is going to be of the essence when I am there, but I want to spend it wisely. the pun was intended.

and last but not least, I am on the homecoming court! it's pretty exciting. I guess it is a part of the 'typical' high school experience. the game is on Friday and that is when the queen will be announced. honestly I am not expecting anything. being on the court is enough of an honor for me!

another post soon!
xoxo

for the sake of the dress

2011-10-03T22:14:00.000-04:00

f21 romper, thrifted leopard flats

well, my friends, IT'S OCTOBER! and thank god, because I am so ready for cold weather.
I have high hopes for this month because homecoming, Teen Vogue Fashion U, and Halloween are all happening in the span of about three weeks. I have yet to look for a homecoming dress, so I better get on that!

ASOS

I had my doubts about even going to the dance itself, but I really want a dress..

xoxo

go go go

2011-09-22T20:11:00.000-04:00

thrifted shirt, marshall's lace shorts, gladiator sandals

hey there!

here's a quick post to say I'm still alive, but I have another post coming at you guys soon. I have been go go go so much lately that I've barely had time to sit down and write a post.

I'll be back with an update shortly!

xoxo

claim

2011-09-12T19:28:00.001-04:00

free people top, thrifted cardigan, f21 skirt, thrifted flats

for some reason senior year feels really good.
it feels like THE year. everyone has their year, you know?
well it's my time, and I am claiming this one. okay? okay.

and surprisingly the outfit situation has been working itself out.
I honestly didn't get that many back-to-school clothes, but I am finding inspiration for outfits everywhere. and I am coming up with combinations that I had never even thought of before.

speaking of inspiration.
MUSIC OF THE MOMENT
(for me anyways..)

come & go by aer
dear professor by the deans list
vanished by crystal castles
I follow rivers by lykke li
helena beat by foster the people
your english is good by tokyo police club

what's your latest source of inspiration?

xoxo

fashion through time

2011-09-08T16:07:00.003-04:00

f21 dress, jeffery campbell pumps

I took a step back in time with this outfit. sometimes I feel as though I should have been born in a different time just for the clothes. but then I remember, that I have the benefit of combining many trends from past decades into one look. however, if I had to choose a single time period in terms of style, I would choose the 1950's. I am a sucker for the classic feminine look. give me curls, a dress, pumps, and lipstick any day and I would be a happy girl.

weheartit

your favorite fashion era?

xoxo

excitement

2011-09-03T15:51:00.005-04:00

free people tank, cardigan, trouve khaki's, thrifted flats

the first week was hectic, busy, and most of all....EXCITING!

for three reasons mostly:

1. I am a senior!

2. Pinkberry had it's grand opening!

and last but certainly not least

3. I was accepted and I am attending Teen Vogue Fashion University!

to say I am excited would be an understatement. I will get to learn from the best of the best in the city I love more than life itself. though some of the seminars I wanted to attend were full already, the sessions I registered for are still amazing!

SATURDAY Session 1: Opening Remarks: 9:45AM-10:45AM ALL STUDENTS ATTEND:

The American Icon

(Michael Kors)

The Hudson Theatre

SATURDAY Session 2: 11:05AM-12:05PM:

The Fashion Bloggers

(Emily Weiss)

The Showroom

SATURDAY Session 3: 12:25PM-1:25PM:

The Shoe Queen

(Tamara Mellon: Founder and Chief Creative Officer of Jimmy Choo)

The Catwalk

SATURDAY Session 4: 2:35PM-3:35PM:

The Intern Queen

(Lauren Berger: CEO of Intern Queen Inc)

The Boutique

SATURDAY Session 5: 3:55PM-4:55PM:

The Visual Gatekeeper

(Linda Forgo: Senior Vice President, Fashion Office and Store Presentation of Bergdorf Goodman)

The Showroom

SATURDAY Session 6: 5:15PM-6:15PM ALL STUDENTS ATTEND:

The TEEN VOGUE Editors

The Hudson Theatre

SUNDAY: 9:30AM-11:30AM ALL STUDENTS ATTEND:

Fashion in the Digital Age

(Amy Astley)

The Hudson Theatre

SPECIAL EVENTS: FRIDAY NIGHT H&M SHOPPING EVENT & KICK-OFF PARTY

SPECIAL EVENTS: SATURDAY NIGHT TOPSHOP SHOPPING EVENT

I cannot wait!

it will definitely be a once-in-a-lifetime experience!

what is the biggest opportunity you've ever been offered?

xoxo

'quakes and 'canes

2011-08-28T12:27:00.002-04:00

how are you all doing?
I hope the earthquake and the hurricane didn't effect anyone too badly.

I was stuck in my house all last night, because the wind was blowing and it was raining cats and dogs.
and then on tuesday when the earthquake struck, I was at the mall (no surprise there), on the bottom floor, and I was extremely startled and scared. some dust and debris started falling from the ceiling while the clothes racks were shaking, and I was convinced that something had hit the mall. needless to say, in a matter of two seconds me and my mom were booking it outside with the other 675690984309 shoppers.

all is well and good, however.
I start school and pinkberry training tomorrow! it will be a very, very long day.
I still haven't decided what I am going to wear, but whatever I do choose will be on the blog soon. I can't make any promises about when, because this week is going to be swamped!

my mall trip, which was obviously cut a little short, was pretty disappointing I have to say. I didn't see one thing that I fell head over heels in love with. all the new clothes out for fall didn't have that "wow" factor, to me anyway. but then I come home and go online window shopping, and I find tons of things I would love to buy. I wish stores carried the clothes they have online!

that is all I have for today, but I'll leave you with some art work...

have a great sunday!

xoxo

extras

2011-08-18T20:27:00.000-04:00

well friends.

there is less than a week and a half until the start of my senior year of high school.

so. hard. to. believe.

despite popular belief, I am actually looking forward to the start of school. since Pinkberry's grand opening has been pushed back two weeks, it's been kind of low-key around here without work in the picture. I've just been at home doing art work, visiting my sister at college, working on college stuff, yada yada yada. I know I'll be kicking myself later for wanting school, but I just want routine back in my life..and I might want to wear my new clothes ~~a lot~~ a little too.

on the offhand, with so much time to deal with, I've been looking through old photos that I never posted. extras if you will..

enjoy the rest of your week!

xoxo

exciting finds

2011-08-14T14:04:00.000-04:00

I could have easily bought these at Nordstrom in the spring when they debuted.

but, honestly, finding them at Nordstrom Rack for a fraction of the price is far more exciting.

what is a couple months anyways?

oh and let me introduce you to my new ride.

the best part: I don't have to share it with my sister.
the second best part: it's a used car, but it's a 2010.
the bad part: nothing.

let the bargain shopping continue!

xoxo

bargains

2011-08-06T19:52:00.001-04:00

I have been the ultimate bargain shopper for the last few months.

tj maxx, marshall's, nordstrom rack, ross, the salvation army...you name it, I've bargain shopped it.

oh, and if there is a sale rack, I am there too.

sure there is a lot of hype in the fashion world about $500 Prada shoes, that, yes, I would like to own, but with different priorities and a high school pay check, I don't have $500 laying around to use so frivolously. and that is the very reason I frequent discount stores.

if you could choose between a commercial mall or a discount store, which one would you choose?

xoxo

p.s. THANK YOU so much for voting for secret doors as one of the Top 25 Kid Bloggers! I love all my readers and that is why I blog!

horn tooting

2011-08-01T12:08:00.000-04:00

h&m top, f21 skirt, tjmaxx tommy hilfiger wedges

I'm back!

hopefully for good this time.

things are changing in my life lately.

a big change, albeit a temporary one, is that I got a tan! I am very fair-skinned and 50% irish, so this is kind of a ~~really~~ big deal. another big deal is my new job! I now work at Pinkberry, also known as fruit and yogurt paradise, which comprises two of my favorite things to eat. The best part about the new gig? working with a bunch of my closest friends, and the fruit part is a pretty important factor too...

I might be tooting my own horn, but life is treating me well.

I am feeling great about myself.

I have amazing friends.

I am more carefree than I have been in a really long time.

But despite everything, I haven't lost my sense of myself.

and YES, I have felt and done it all without therapy.

best part about your life lately?

xoxo

absent

2011-07-24T10:03:00.002-04:00

Before you all think that I've disappeared completely, I just wanted to sneak in a quick post!

I'll be at the beach until Friday, but surely expect some more from me after that. I apologize for the sudden absences, but as I've said before...life comes first!!

Have a wonderful week!

xoxo

1, 2, 3, 4

2011-07-10T21:36:00.000-04:00

1. I'd like express my gratitude to who ever nominated me as one of the Top 25 Kid Bloggers at Circle of Moms! I'm truly honored, and I would be even more honored if you all would head on over there, find my name, and vote for Secret Doors before July 22nd!

2. this past week I had my FINAL therapy session. can you believe it? I can't. it's been two, almost 3, years since I started going to the same therapist, and now I'm moving into a "new season" of my life (as she would say).

3. any advice for a rising senior taking a jab a scholarship applications? I have been planning to utilize my unoccupied summer days by writing essays and filling out forms, but I can't seem to find the motivation or the wherewithal to write! help a sistah out! I need some good pointers on essay writing that will help my papers stand out and catch an eye.

4. I died when I saw these babies.

Charlotte Olympia "Bananas Is My Business"

the absolute perfect shoe for an avid fruit lover like myself.

what are four things that have happened to you recently?

xoxo

mishap

2011-07-05T11:01:00.000-04:00

button up from salvation army, lace shorts from marshall's, bcbg flats

can I just say how amazing you all are?

the support I received on my fresh start was phenomenal! and I am ecstatic to begin this "new" journey.

first of all my life has been a little crazy recently. I got back from the beach on Saturday after spending a week there with my friend and her family. let's just say parts of the trip were beyond interesting. if I told you that I lost my two front teeth would you believe me? well, that is in fact the truth. I experienced my first surfing escapade ever in my life and with five minutes left in the two hour lesson, I tumbled through the waves only to get smacked in the face, specifically my mouth, by the surf board. the board hit my two front teeth, and voila! Emily's new smile emerged. there were no tears, but I was incredibly embarrassed by my gapped smile when the adorable surf instructors came to my rescue. thankfully I got them fixed within 12 hours of arriving home, but from thursday to saturday, I had good reason to make fun of myself.

whats the biggest appearance mishap you've ever endured?

xoxo

starting fresh

2011-06-20T17:10:00.000-04:00

so its final.
I'm a senior.
school is out.
I'm loving life.
and blogging..well..

here's the thing: when I first started blogging, I was blogging for self-help and getting the input of readers. I was in a lousy place back then. now everything is different. I am at a point in my journey where I want to separate the past from the present. the past meaning my eating disorder, and the present meaning where I am today. I no longer want to define myself by my eating disorder. I just want to live my life, love fashion, and be young! blogging is such a wonderful outlet, but at the same time, I don't want to force words out of my head that regurgitate my past, which I've dealt with in therapy and will probably deal with more when I'm older. so consider this a renewal of secret doors. I won't be writing much, if even at all, about my past with anorexia. I will be gearing this blog more towards fashion and everyday life.
this is Emily's blog. and Emily is no longer going to live in ED's shadow.

xoxo

prom continued

2011-06-08T18:00:00.000-04:00

so have I stirred up overwhelming anticipation?

have I kept you on the edge of your seats?

is it totally unbearable?

okay I'll stop being dramatic..my blog isn't that exciting.

prom.

it was okay. I had fun. however I wouldn't say it was the best time of my life.

it was almost comical how the dance itself resembled the typical high school setting. other than that, I wasn't really into it that much. before prom was fun, with dinner and pictures and what not, and my date was really nice. after prom? eh, could've gone better. I wasn't allowed to stay out very late because Angelina, yes she flew in for prom, had to leave at the crack of dawn. and that's basically it. I've come to the conclusion that high school dances aren't all that great. maybe next year I'll buy a dress (because that's really the most exciting part), take pictures, eat dinner, and then go to the after parties, not the actual dance.

however, after all is said and done, any excuse to wear a fancy dress and look pretty is okay by me!

any high school dance experiences that were unforgettable or that you want to forget?

xoxo

prom

2011-06-05T20:45:00.000-04:00

prom.

updates to come..

xoxo

summer lovin'

2011-05-30T11:30:00.000-04:00

f21 shirt and skirt, lucky wedges

summer has unofficially started.

and what does that mean?

pool

beach

warm weather

no school (almost)

freckles

billowy dresses

sun hats

jack johnson

jimmy buffet

seafood

sand

surf

what does summer mean to you?

xoxo

no worries

2011-05-23T21:49:00.000-04:00

free people top, levi jean shorts, rainbow flip flops

sometimes I wish I could disappear for a while and take a break from everything.

I get so caught up in thinking about every little detail, which uses up so much of my energy, and then I end up being exhausted. I wish I could just stop thinking for a day. heck, even an hour.

but on the other hand, I have news -- I was asked to prom!

with flowers and everything. it was a happy surprise.

my biggest concern now is enjoying prom and these last few weeks of school. I want to make it a point to have a good time and truly live in the moment. I need to stop worrying and remember that everything is going to be okay.

do you focus on the details, or are you good about staying relaxed?

xoxo

a week

2011-05-16T20:56:00.000-04:00

hello strangers.

another week has gone by, yet again.

I want nothing more than to be able to blog every single day, but alas, life is unpredictable, and my blogging schedule follows suite. but not to worry, friends, because once school gets out, I'm all yours! or partly yours, at the very least :)

to update you on some things going on in mi vida:

1. track just finished, but that doesn't necessarily mean I'm done with running. I'll probably be hitting the gym and/or pavement a few times a week. I need to keep physical activity in my life; I've spent way too much time being sedentary.

2. I just got elected as an officer of a community service group that I've been involved in since sophomore year. I'm really excited to be a leader, and I can finally share my ideas..because god knows I never stop thinking.

3. I'm going to a college information session next week with representatives from five distinguished universities: Brown University, The University of Chicago, Columbia University, Cornell University, and Rice University. To say I'm excited would be a huge understatement.

4. my body image is a roller coaster. I seriously don't know what's going on. one day I'll be fine, the next day I'll be a mess. being a girl is so frustrating.

5. there's only a month left until summer!

xoxo

wishing everyone a wonderful week

weheartit

a movie and a wedding

2011-05-08T13:00:00.000-04:00

happy sunday and mother's day love bugs!

it is an absolutely beautiful day here today. I love days like this.

this morning I finally got to sleep in and relax after a long week of testing, both AP and SAT. last night I saw something borrowed which was adorable.

Jim Krasinski was hilarious

and Colin Egglesfield was very nice to look at

oh and I can't believe I never mentioned my infatuation with Kate Middleton's dress. or maybe just her overall. can you say gorgeous?

did I also mention that we share the same birthday? well, we do.

the cutest movie you've seen recently?

your reaction to Kate's dress?

xoxo

may?

2011-05-01T20:22:00.000-04:00

shirt from marshalls, f21 shorts, thrifted flats

I woke up this morning, checked my phone, and realized it was already the first day of May. I really have no idea how that happened, but it did. time just keeps on ticking away.

May is the start of many things:

the start of the end

the start of prom planning

the start of permanent warm weather

the start of poolside relaxing

while it's bittersweet that junior year is ending, it's more bitter than sweet when it comes to the prom planning. I have the dress, but not the date. for some reason I am having a little anxiety that I won't get asked. I don't really know where these "I'm not good enough" feelings are coming from, but it'd be nice if they went away...soon.

how do you remind yourself of your worth?

xoxo

sundress

2011-04-27T20:01:00.001-04:00

nordstrom rack dress, bcbg flats

one of the best things about spring weather?
dresses.
sundresses.
I would live in a sundress if I could.

if you could wear one piece of clothing for the rest of your life, what would it be?

xoxo

white out

2011-04-25T22:37:00.000-04:00

h&m dress and shoes, forever 21 ring, michael kors watch

do you like my classy "mirror pics"? I feel like I'm in middle school again.

anywho. last week was my spring break, and today I was back to reality. also known as high school. joy. on thursday and friday I visited two colleges, VCU and UVA. I wasn't into VCU too much, but I loooooove UVA. I can definitely see myself there. It's not what I thought I'd be interested in, but it's so beautiful, traditional, academically prestigious, and homey. I had such a good feeling about it.

still on the college visiting list:

Penn State

Carnegie Mellon

Columbia

NYU

FIT

I've been in the ultimate college state-of-mind as of late. I haven't all together ixnayed the idea of an art school, but I'm leaning towards a regular university. I can do whatever I want in fashion without a degree, right? Especially because I don't feel that I'm going to be a designer, per say, but more in the business end of the industry.

alright, I'm off to watch Bethenny Ever After...

love her!

your favorite show lately?

xoxo

easter sunday

2011-04-24T12:06:00.000-04:00

happy easter, lovepies!

xoxo

surprises

2011-04-19T14:52:00.000-04:00

life is full of little surprises.

surprise #1

70 degree weather. more please?

surprise #2

a recent, very positive disposition. loving myself unconditionally.

surprise #3

RPattz looking exceptionally gorgeous in Water For Elephants. I'll have one ticket please..

f21 top, h&m shorts, nordstrom gladiator sandals

surprise #4

a Michael Kors Chronograph watch. I love you Nordstrom Rack.

any surprises in your life?

xoxo

continuing triumph

2011-04-16T17:33:00.000-04:00

tommy hilfiger polo, f21 skirt, bcbg flats

well, friends, my spring break is finally here.

I'm not escaping to the beach, unfortunately, but I am going on a few college visits!

As far as college goes, I've come to the conclusion that a non-art school is my best bet, because I don't want to limit myself. so I guess we'll see what I think after this week is over. but don't be fooled, shopping will be worked into the schedule this week, as well as homework *eyes roll*.

so the other day I got to thinking about this year, junior year, and how fast it's going by. pretty soon it will be summer 2011 and I will be a senior in high school. isn't it insane? for me, this year feels like the first year of a true high school experience. freshman year = eating disorder lockdown, sophomore year = eating disorder recovery, and then junior year = regular high school girl. honestly, I've never felt more normal in my life. and if normal's not the right description, more myself. it's amazing how things can change.

speaking of triumph and change, wednesday I had my first track meet ever. I signed up for track not really expecting anything other than getting into shape and having something to do. I really didn't think I would even need a uniform. but to my surprise, I was put into wednesday's track meet to run the mile. to say I was nervous would be an understatement. I was terrified. I had never before competed in a high school sport, but nevertheless, I went and tried my best. in the end, I came in last. but hey, I did it. and I once thought I'd never see the day.

have you ever been proud of doing something, not because of your skill, but because you finished and you got there? if so, what was it?

xoxo

what's been going on

2011-04-10T22:05:00.000-04:00

f21 skirt, thrifted flats, cami, and button down, target tights

I've been a pretty bad blogger for the last few months. and I apologize.

let me update you on my life a little..

a. track is going really well. I never thought in a million years I would be running mile(s) upon mile(s) a day, but I am. the farthest I've ran is about 6 miles and that number will probably increase, which is both exciting and scary at the same time.

b. art has been amazing. some days better than others, but in the end I'm happy with the work I am producing, and I can't wait to share it with you all.

c. body image...is something I take day by day. at the moment I'm having some difficulty, but I keep reminding myself of my reality.

d. fashion has taken a bit of a dip, but I hope to have an inspirational revelation with the fashion gods soon ;)

so now it's your turn; what's been going on in your life lately?

xoxo

caught my eye

2011-04-04T19:44:00.000-04:00

Vacancy Bustier Bikini - Army Green

Long Tail Skirt - Mocha

BANANA BROOCH

just some things I've got my eye on.

expect a regular post soon, lovepies!

xoxo

prom? summer? college? please.

2011-03-27T21:38:00.000-04:00

f21 tshirt, h&m denim maxi skirt, thrifted flats

hi there love pies. how was your ~~week~~ weekend?

mine was nothing special -- just hanging out with friends, a little Bradley Cooper, and a little shopping. this particular shopping trip was dedicated to finding the perfect prom dress, and I was successful in the end. pictures of the dress you ask? well I thought about it, and I've decided to not unveil it until after prom...meaning June. embrace the anticipation!

anywho, this week is the last of the third quarter. can you believe it? summer is almost here, and I will be one step closer to senior year and then college! speaking of college, the search is continuing to get more and more complicated, as I am getting more and more confused. I've gone from knowing exactly where I want to go, to having an idea, to not having a clue. cool. the next six months are going to be fun.

now it's time for another ED FAQ:

how do you handle fear foods?

food cannot be labeled good or bad. realistically, fear foods don't have the power to make you gain 1373205 pounds in one meal, or even one bite. food is about enjoyment. eat it in moderation and you'll live, I promise. because I can bet my life that those fear foods are something you used to eat and love, and there is no reason for you not to eat and love them now!

xoxo

the "b" word

2011-03-22T21:15:00.000-04:00

f21 shorts and tshirt, thrifted flats

me again. well, at least I hope you remember me.

this one post a week thing is not working for me, and I don't think it's working for you either, no? I wouldn't like to think my readership is decreasing because I'm not posting as often, so I am going to try to post more. no promises. just effort.

as far as life these days, well...it's alright.

I'm struggling with body image as of late, and I keep on wondering how I'm perceived by other people. only my view of myself matters, I realize that, but why do I still fixate on how I'm viewed on the outside? why must all my worth be focused on appearance and physical attributes when my beauty comes from within?

on the other hand, there is one part of my life that I've never talked about before on this blog, because of (a) embarrassment, (b) privacy, and (c) the risk of sounding naive.

boys.

the opposite sex.

the most terrifying creatures roaming the earth.

or perhaps the stupidest.

while the last line could be up for debate, whether girls like it or not, there is no living with them, and there is no living without them. I personally have not had much experience with guys, which is probably unexpected coming from a 17-year-old girl. I have friends who have gone through guy after guy like they are the latest fashion. but while that happens, I am the best friend standing by watching until girl breaks boy's heart, or vice versa. I am no heartbreaker, because I really have never had a heart to break; with the exception of creepers.

so what sparks this latest interest in boys? what brings about this change of the century? well, this is where my awkwardness and new-found health come into play. back when I was involved with ED, no one else had a place in that picture; there wasn't any room..nor did I have the slightest fascination. but now things are ~~a little~~ way different, and there is a space in my life. but my awkward, shy qualities hold me back from truly expressing myself to people in a genuine manner. I don't feel as though I can fully show my real self to those I am attracted to. I am either afraid of rejection and/or just really nervous and uncomfortable. and at the same time, body image comes into action as well. am I pretty enough? skinny enough? attractive enough? am I enough to be liked?

how do you find yourself acting around those of the opposite sex?

xoxo

curls

2011-03-15T20:54:00.000-04:00

f21 skirt, miz mooz boots, f21 cardigan

so I have had a slight obsession with curling my hair lately. you can't really tell from these pictures, but I touched up the ends with my curling iron a little bit. I love feeling classic and feminine, and switching things up from the normal, boring, straight style that is so common amongst every girl with a flat iron is refreshing.

with that first bit about curls, I'd thought it would be appropriate to share my favorite hair products with you all. some of the following may or may not be based on scent alone ;)

favorite hair products

biolage

split end protector

anti-residue cleansing shampoo

CHI flat iron

Hot Tools curling iron

what are your favorite hair products?

xoxo

fear

2011-03-09T20:05:00.000-05:00

alloy blouse, nordstrom skirt, thrifted flats, target belt, f21 cardigan

I'll have to admit, when the maxi-skirt trend first came on to the scene I wasn't quite on board. I never thought I'd be able to pull one off. but, after seeing them styled countless times on many style icons, they have grown on me and...VOILA! I'm in one. and guess what? I'm in love. this is the first of (hopefully) many.

so I'm really excited that you all are excited about the FAQ's on eating disorders, cause I am too! I want to share my experiences to help others, and what better way to do it.

ED FAQ

How do you overcome the fear of weight gain in recovery?

There is no simple solution to this question, but I'll try to sum it up.

Not everyone has an epiphany or a triumphant "aha" moment; I know I didn't. But what everyone does have is the power to change. You have to find the strength to overcome that fear within yourself, and you have to truly, sincerely want health or just pretend like you want health (even if you don't). Because as soon as you start to pretend to believe in weight gain and all that it will do for you, sooner or later, you will start to actually believe in it. Take it little by little, one day at a time, and you will get there, I promise! Don't be afraid of the unknown; as FDR once said, "the only fear is fear itself".

what is the biggest fear you've ever had to overcome?

xoxo

exhaustion

2011-03-05T09:38:00.000-05:00

alloy sheer blouse, bcbg pants, jeffrey campbell clogs

words cannot explain how exhausted I am.
to clarify: a good exhaustion. track has been an adventure so far, literally, but I'm dealing.
things are basically really good right now. grades = good, spirit = good, health = good, art = good.
endorphins to blame? maybe!

and now, it's survey time.
would you all be interested in me posting FAQ's every few posts dealing with eating disorders? I have thought about doing it for a while, and I would like to know what you all think. I get so many questions on my formspring related to ED, and I know not everyone uses formspring.

let me know and have a fabulous weekend!

xoxo

right now

2011-03-01T21:29:00.000-05:00

f21 dress

I am currently...

wearing: t-shirt and shorts

watching: american idol (where's glee?)

thinking about: my bed

wanting to listen to: knock knock by Mac Miller

reading: women, food, and god

feeling: a good kind of exhaustion

wishing for: warm weather

xoxo

letting go

2011-02-24T20:54:00.000-05:00

thrifted men's flannel shirt, bp gingham dress, thrifted leopard flats

wow you all have tons of great advice about college! thank you so much for all those tips, and for those of you who have offered guidance whenever I need it, I'll be following you up on that.

anyway, I forgot to mention this in my last post, but I have been in the process of trying out for track. yeah, so I kind of haven't done any exercise in about..oh maybe..4 or 5 months? so let's just say I am feeling it BIG time. since being recovered, weight restored, healthy enough to engage in physical activity, let's just say, I haven't done anything. anything drastic or enough to count for something, that is. two years of anorexia with no exercise + another almost full year of no exercise = 3 years of no exercise. in my mind, I'm still the athlete I once was, but my body just isn't in that condition anymore. I was, and I pride myself on being, an athlete; so not being able to do certain things that I used to do is tough to handle, and I'm particularly hard on myself.

with the latter in mind, my friends persuaded me to do track. and I am. and I'm not quite as good as I thought I'd be. but, guess what? not everything is about "how good" you are, or being "the best". while my inner competitiveness still permeates into everything I do, I am trying to look at this new endeavor with a fresh perspective. why do I have to be the best? what do I have to prove? who do I have to prove something to? my answer to myself: I don't have anything to prove to anyone, and even if I'm not the best, I'm still a person with value and worth.

note to self -- enjoy this, because you deserve to have fun, even if you aren't first, you tried, and that's all that matters.

what do you do for exercise?

do you feel like you have to be the best?

are you competitive?

TGIFT: thank god it's Friday tomorrow

xoxo

scatterbrained

2011-02-22T13:50:00.000-05:00

uo blazer, ae jeggings, roxy tank, bcbg flats, h&m brooch

wow. has it been a week already?

well, I'm here and I've got many looks to come for the next few posts. I did manage to make use of what I have, but I did happen to do a teensy bit of shopping (I can't help myself). The new stuff will make an appearance later in the week.

My mind has been reeling these past few days: college, college, college.

Should I go here, should I go there; should I do this, should I do that.

I met with my counselor on Thursday, and basically, it's all up to me. Should I go to NYC, pursue my fashion dreams at an art school, or should I play it safe and stick to a liberal arts education..or can I have the best of both worlds? I still have almost a year, but still, I like to get a head start on everything.

and is the weather crazy or what? 70 degrees on Friday and then BOOM another snow storm.

Dear weather, make up your mind. Sincerely, Me.

okay I'm out -- have a good week!

xoxo

closet love

2011-02-14T21:13:00.000-05:00

happy valentine's day!

I hope your day was filled with love, even if you are single.

I know I've been M.I.A. for the past week, and I leave nothing to blame for that except life. It happens, and you just have to move on and keep on blogging, am I right? I have taken minimal pictures, too, because I am on a dry spell when it comes to outfit ideas. Basically everything I've worn this week has been seen on the blog before. I'm at a loss. It's so frustrating to have a closet full of clothes, yet still revert back to the same old thing.

My goal for the next few weeks doesn't have anything to do with my wallet, does not include going to the mall, and doesn't require any companions to judge whether they like whatever I'm trying on. My goal is to simply take whatever I already have and wear it in different ways. I'm determined to make the most out of my wardrobe, rather than depleting my 16-hour work week salary by going shopping.

Oh and you're probably wondering who my valentine is this year. Well, I do in fact have one.

my closet.

it's time to rekindle that old flame, don't you think?

xoxo

football-is-over sunday

2011-02-06T18:05:00.000-05:00

f21 cardigan, express pants, free people cami, bcbg flats

guess what?

I'm most likely ending therapy this summer. this is the triumph of all triumphs, in my opinion, because my therapist, the person who knows me the best, thinks I'm ready to move on. we've basically covered all topics relating to my eating disorder and now I'm talking more about my normal, teenage problems rather than my ED problems. I sound more like a teenage girl trying to figure it all out rather than a girl suffering from an eating disorder. it's so hard to imagine not seeing my therapist every other week, because it's been such a constant in my life for the past two years. it's also amazing to think about how far I've come in this process. at the beginning, I was a lost, denial-ridden anorexic, trying to escape all forms of recovery at all costs. today, I'm well on my way to being the best version of myself. I'm strong, healthy, and fearless, and most importantly, Emily.

on a different note, I hope you all have a wonderful superbowl sunday!

the best part about the superbowl? FOOTBALL SEASON IS OVER.

the food and the commercials are not too bad either.

love you all,

thank you for getting me through so much.

I couldn't have done it without you.

xoxo

p.s. I never really realized how many people I know read this blog! it's kind of crazy.

awkward

2011-01-31T20:42:00.000-05:00

awkward.

can a word sound anymore..awkward?

as if it's pronunciation doesn't carry enough uneasy tension, the meaning takes the word to a whole new level.

awkward: adjective; causing embarrassment or discomfort; lack of social grace

Emily is awkward sometimes.

I won't sit here and bore you all day with definitions, but I will expand a little more on why I bring this up.

a) because that example sentence is true

b) because I need to get over this

c) because I want to be socially confident

d) because I'm a normal (yeah I can't believe I just used the "n" word, too) teenage girl

awkwardness has been in my life for a long time. I believe that it's a part of my introversion, but I also believe it's a little leftover part of my unconfident, self-conscious sense of self; the feeling of "oh god all these other girls are prettier, skinnier, and better than me"; or ED's voice still echoing in my head telling me I'm not worth it. so, I think it's time to steal that piece of myself back. I want to be strong, assertive, and not afraid to be outgoing or speak my mind in the presence of anyone and everyone. yeah, sure, I'm a teenager and these are my awkward years, but there are ways to get around this -- I believe this feeling of unworthiness puts a hamper on my social experiences.

from now on, I'm vowing to be myself at all times. I don't care who is there, what's going on, or where it is; I am going to try to be confident (or at least fake it).

do you consider yourself an awkward person?

what are your secrets to overcoming your awkwardness?

what are any funny/embarrassing awkward moments that you've had?

I'll be back this week with fashion posts. I had all last week off because of snow, so I was in pj's all day, everyday :)

xoxo

home is where the heart is

2011-01-26T18:31:00.000-05:00

a while back I received a comment asking if I'd show more of my house. so, yes, it took me longer than expected to get a hold of the camera and finally get the motivation to snap a few shots of mi casa, but today I found the time thanks to mother nature...

...aka no school.

now I present to you...

ma maison

this couch is basically where I live. my home inside my home.

where the magic happens...

where my ~~drug of choice~~ fruit is stored..

up the stairs...

down the hallway...

knock, knock...

my room!

that's basically my house in a nutshell. there are other rooms here and there, and I'm sure you'll catch a glimpse of them sometime. I love my house because it's comfy and cozy and really feels like a home.

what do you love about where you live?
does it feel like home? or is home somewhere else?

take care, bloggies. especially if you're stuck in the snow like I am.
looks like another snow day for me tomorrow!

xoxo

spring dreaming

2011-01-22T11:21:00.000-05:00

how's the week been, bloggies?

mine has been alright. exams haven't been as bad as I expected, so that's something to smile about.

and plus, it's friday -- which is a much anticipated day after this stressful week.

do you know what else is much anticipated? spring.

warm weather, fresh fashions, and the undying desire to spend time in the sun.

sounds like music to my ears.

what am I getting at? well my spring fashion must-haves, of course.

SPRING 2011

(and in my dreams..)

white jeans

Citizens of Humanity Thompson High Rise Skinny Jeans

rings

Topshop Stone Trellis Ring

high-waisted shorts

Forever 21 Brocade Tap Short

watches

Michael Kors 'Madison' Clear Resin & Crystal Watch

what do you want for spring?

enjoy your saturday!

xoxo

just what I needed

2011-01-17T21:19:00.000-05:00

f21 skirt, free people tank, thrifted flats, f21 earrings

exams start tomorrow.

*eyes roll*

so please excuse any unannounced absences from the blog world this week.

my long three day weekend was very uneventful; probably just what I needed. I haven't been up to much as of late, and it has felt relaxing while it has lasted, but I think I'm ready to have a social life again. I saw Country Strong on saturday night. it was good, but kind of all over the place. the best part was probably Garrett Hedlund, who is not too bad to look at, or listen to ;)

weheartit

how was your weekend?

anything fun or exciting?

goodnight!

xoxo

back to basics

2011-01-15T16:33:00.000-05:00

sometimes, basics are all you need.

a sweater.

a scarf.

f21 sweater, f21 shirt, ae jeggings, target sneakers, laila rowe scarf

jeans, and I'm good to go.

what are your basics?

happy saturday!
xoxo

help

2011-01-12T21:13:00.000-05:00

f21 shirt, madewell skirt, target tights, seychelles boots

first of all, thank you for all the birthday wishes! one reason I made it through my sixteenth year in one piece is because of my readers :) second of all, double thank you for all the support you all gave in response to my little confession. one word to describe your advice and comfort? amazing. and you guys are right, beating myself up about it is not worth it.

remember a long, long time ago when I mentioned starting a club or organization at my school relating to eating disorder awareness? well, it may be long overdue, but I have contacted my counselor to talk about starting something. I see so many girls, every single day, who, I know, I just know, are suffering. they are not only killing themselves, but they are killing me inside just watching them do themselves harm. honestly, I really want nothing else than to go off to college and leave high school behind, but before I graduate, I want to leave a piece of me that will inspire someone, somewhere in my community to recover, stay healthy, or even reach out to someone else.

if you could do one thing in your community to help others, what would it be?
what would you do? why would you do it?

wear purple tomorrow for ED awareness!

goodnight
xoxo

january 9, 2011

2011-01-09T09:14:00.000-05:00

Dear Emily,

Today is your seventeenth birthday.
I can't even begin to tell you how much you have grown as a person this past year, mentally and physically. You have changed into a person that loves herself unconditionally, despite those bad days. You have found the confidence to live a life you want, without anyone else telling you how to live it. You have come out of your shell and your comfort zone, which has allowed you to meet some amazing people. There are just no words to describe your growth, determination, and drive to escape your eating disorder that once defined your life. And now, look at you, you are defining your life.

The road ahead of you is long and unpredictable, and no doubt treacherous at times, but you have the strength to overcome anything. Just remember not to take yourself too seriously -- have fun, be spontaneous, go wild. You are only young once.

And last, but certainly not least, know that you are beautiful -- inside and out. There may be days where you think differently, but it's the truth. Your worth is constant and unchanging. Ed has nothing to vie for.

Make this seventeenth year count.
Happy Birthday.

love,
Emily

thanks to weheartit

spill

2011-01-03T20:06:00.000-05:00

how has 2011 been so far?
I haven't had many complaints myself.
well...except for one.

my new year's eve was spent, not a party, not with friends, but in the comfort of my own home. alone. with only skype to keep me company. why, you ask? well, I've contemplated spilling this here on my blog, but after some thought, I've chosen to spill.

I was grounded all last week.

you are probably wondering what on earth I could have possibly done to get myself grounded, as I have never been grounded in all my life, save for the five minutes I was sent to my room when I was about six by, of all people, my brother (yeah I wonder what I was thinking, too).

to make the long story short and to avoid any potential costs to my future, I will be concise --
lying to parents + party + cops = you can probably finish this equation..

I take responsibility for my actions, I realize the things I did were not the smartest moves, and to top it all off, I have been beating myself over it a whole heck of a lot. however, I also feel as though I was at the wrong place at the wrong time. I'm a teenager -- let's be honest; kids are going to drink, I'm very likely going to be around drinking and other things of that nature, and it's just a part of the high school scene. does that make it okay? no. does that entitle kids to drink? no. but it's what's happening in this day and age. it's reality. I can't change it, and I'm not going to sit at home all the time because I'm afraid of getting caught in the wrong place. I'm not going to withdrawal from all "get-togethers" or become anti-social because I live in fear. I'm not going to kill myself to be perfect, because I've been there and done that. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I've stayed on this little perfect line for so long. I'm smart, I'm not going to let anything like the latter happen again, and I'm not going to turn into a wild, out-of-control (excuse my french) B.A. either. I am a teenager and I want to be a teenager.

so I guess the point of telling you all this is to --
a. vent
b. make a point
c. get your feedback

thoughts? opinions? related stories?
don't be afraid to say what you feel!

have a good evening!
xoxo

2011

2010-12-31T15:58:00.000-05:00

free people dress, bcbg nude flats, f21 ring

2010 has been a pretty good year.
I've grown as a person tremendously; I started out the year struggling to find health and happiness through the wrath of an eating disorder, and now, 2011 is here, and I am emerging as a healthy, happy, somewhat normal, teenage girl.

moral of 2010 -- evolve
evolve into who you want to be.
evolve into yourself.
life is about growth, so never stop growing.

as for my plans in 2011; that's for me to see. the beauty of a new year is new experiences, so that's all I can really hope for.

weheartit

greatest moments of 2010?
greatest hopes for 2011?

happy new year's eve, bloggies!
xoxo

art and innocence

2010-12-30T12:07:00.000-05:00

as promised, I have art to share with you.

pardon the uncompleted-ness.

each drawing is a part of my journal which is themed "self", hence all the self-portraits.

for Christmas I got Prismacolor markers! I am so ecstatic about these; I used them in Savannah at SCAD and discovered how wonderful they are. I've incorporated them into the above picture along with colored pencils.

my art has definitely taken a back seat for the last couple months. it's so nice to settle back into the practice of painting and drawing; I love how breaks from school allow me the time to do just that. with each piece of art I do, I find that my style evolves. it's almost like the endless evolution, because with each stroke of a brush or hatch of a pencil, I become more aware of what works and what doesn't; it's a learning process.

and you see this little, innocent face?

not so much.

Puck has some sharp, little teeth.

sharp enough to give me a fat lip.

a chapped, fat lip that is..

well, today I'm going to get down to the knitty gritty and get homework done *sigh*

happy thursday, bloggies!

xoxo

santa brought me...

2010-12-27T20:49:00.000-05:00

what did santa bring me this year?

all this...

f21 jacket, shirt, and leggings, miz mooz boots

and a little, special something...

oh okay, not quite that

but better...

a PUPPY!

bloggies, meet Puck -- the newest member of the family!

he has quite the personality and I'm sure I'll have lots of stories to share about him. he is following in his brother's footsteps as the man of the house. love you Honus baby.

I hope you all had a fabulous holiday for those who celebrate. mine was great, but it seems as though it passed by so quickly that it doesn't even feel like it happened. there should be a diagnosis for post-Christmas Withdrawal Disorder (PCWD) -- definitely legitimate, no?

well, since I have a whole lot of free time this week (in between homework of course *eyes roll*), be looking for the following posts --

1. a tour of my house

2. more art work

3. more looks

4. more photography, perhaps?

do you have Christmas after effects?

do you feel like the holidays pass by too quickly?

have a great monday night!

xoxo

'twas the night before christmas

2010-12-24T09:29:00.000-05:00

target leopard tights, f21 skirt, aerie blouse, hand-me-down jean jacket, payless boots

merry christmas eve my lovely readers!

how've you all been?

a week feels like a lifetime when it comes to posting. I've just been caught up in the "before-the-holidays" chaos, but I'm here, school is finally out, and its christmas eve! can you even believe it?! seems like yesterday we were ringing in the new year of 2010..

last weekend I went and saw Black Swan with my friends.

I left the theater speechless, it was such an interesting movie. sure there were gross parts, but the ending was amazing -- definitely oscar worthy. Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis were phenomenal. the movie made me think of my own struggle over the past few years and how my eating disorder was the ultimate strive for perfection. and even though it was killing me, I was willing to do anything to get what I wanted. anything to be the best. anything to be the thinnest. no matter how many people I hurt to get there, I was going to get there.

if you ever get the chance to see it, which only some can stomach a movie like that, then I truly recommend deciphering the message that lies within. if you look past all the grotesque-ness and strangeness, you'll find symbolism that definitely runs parallel with eating disorders and many other life obstacles.

now I want to take this time to sincerely wish you all a very merry christmas!
I hope you spend time with your loved ones and if you are having trouble with the foody-ness of the holidays, just remember that it's NOT about the food, it's about warmth, love, and spirit.
and if you don't celebrate christmas, please have a wonderful weekend!

love love love
xoxo

thanks to we heart it for the pictures!

come on already

2010-12-16T19:13:00.000-05:00

3 more days

that's all I keep on telling myself.

just give me Christmas break already, okay?

I did, however, get out of school 2 hours early today because of snow! it was kind of unexpected, but I'm not complaining. now I just need to wear my pj's inside out and flush ice cubes down the toilet so I won't have school tomorrow. I swear, we get about 2 inches of snow and we get out of school immediately -- whereas in the north they get about 2 feet of snow and tough it all out.

it's alright; we're babies and I am not afraid to admit it.

but maybe I should give my locale a break..after all, we were hit pretty hard last year...

I'm talking like 3+ feet

it was kind of ridiculous

I don't have any looks to share with you this week, because I just didn't have the motivation to document my outfits. I am feeling truly uninspired as of late -- I've got fashion-rut-itus, and I could feel it coming. maybe a few gifts from santa will help make this little sickness go away? ;)

I'm really looking for something different.

more pants, more tunics, more over accessorizing

we'll see!

what do you want for Christmas?

I'm off to get my daily tv intake in..

I know, it's pretty sad.

have a great night!

xoxo

zac posen

2010-12-14T21:05:00.000-05:00

two of my favorite models.

one campaign.

one designer.

Zac Posen Pre-Fall 2011: Crystal Renn & Hilary Rhoda

just thought I'd share that with you!

thanks to Fashion Gone Rogue for the pictures

happy tuesday

xoxo

go go go

2010-12-12T19:40:00.000-05:00

f21 vest, papaya skirt, target sneakers

Just wanted to let you know I'm still alive, and I will be back blogging soon. I've been go go go all week and haven't had the time to sit down and post!

have a great monday

xoxo

2010-12-06T22:07:00.000-05:00

f21 cardigan, f21 skirt, miz mooz boots

before I totally forget by the end of this post, check out my article on High School Pieces! I just started writing for them and will be a continuing contributor. check it out!

anyway, today was, shall I say, bone-chilling cold. I like the cold weather, but I would like it better if it involved snow, which would mean no school, which would mean time to sleep-in, which is something that has become almost foreign to me. and the fact that I am thinking about sleeping-in now is not looking too good, considering it's only monday. isn't it funny how mondays take on a whole new meaning once school is back in session?

you all are probably wondering about how I am doing in terms of my recovery, as I've gotten numerous questions that relate to me being at a "healthy weight". and to answer your questions: YES. I'm at a healthy weight and doing just fine. I do struggle every now and then, but the past few weeks have been rather amazing. being social and going out to do things is on my mind more than ever and that's a huge step for me. back in the day I would have reverted into my shell and sat at home doing homework on a friday night..but that me is gone. that never was me, it was my eating disorder doing and speaking for me. I want there to be a point when I no longer have to vent about my eating disorder on this blog, but from where I stand today, there might be those little moments that ED creeps back into my life every now and then, and I'm okay with that.

do you find posts with ED-related content a downer? or negative?

what about relatable? insightful? helpful?

tellll!

by the way, I thoroughly enjoyed reading your "three in one" items. aren't they the best?

sweet dreams

xoxo

three in one

2010-12-04T16:14:00.001-05:00

f21 skirt, gap blouse, miz mooz boots, h&m necklace

h&m blouse, f21 skirt, target boots

f21 tunic, bp jeggings, thrifted leopard flats

I am alive. I didn't fall of the face of the earth.

I have been so busy with so many things this week.

wednesday: driving improvement class (3 hours..kill me)

thursday: driving improvement class (another wonderful 3 hours)

friday: work

saturday morning: SAT

the driving class? not as painful as I thought, but still painful

work? same old same

SAT? oh you know -- I just MISSED A SECTION

yeah, I missed a section on the SAT, it's a long story so I don't want to get into to it, but it was entirely my fault and I should have been paying closer attention to what I was doing (or not doing). good thing I can take it as many times as I need to! YAY! *sarcasm intended*

I hope you enjoyed the picture overload. since I didn't have any time to blog this week, I thought I would combine three looks in one post or, as my post title indicates. which brings me to a new topic for discussion...

is there one item of clothing that you like to wear in three different looks?

a piece that fits the mantra "three in one"? what is it?

or if you don't own such a piece of clothing, what is something that you want that has this versatility? tell, tell, tell!

for me, I find mixing slouchy, cropped tops into different looks really fun. I love to make them look dressy despite their casual look, or just wear them as they are in all their slouchy-ness!

alright, I'm off to be social

have a great weekend!

xoxo

it's beginning to look a lot like...

2010-11-29T21:09:00.000-05:00

ae jeggings, f21 long sleeve top, uo thrifted motorcycle jacket, target white sneakers

how was everyone's thanksgiving? can you believe it's over and done with?! I can't.

Angelina flew in on thursday, had dinner with my family, and stayed with me for a few days. we shopped, shopped, and shopped, hung out with my friends, and just enjoyed each others company. she left yesterday and I miss her so much already!

although I'm sad that thanksgiving has come and gone, that hasn't stopped me from enjoying the beginnings of the REAL holiday season. when I say REAL I mean the holiday season that starts AFTER thanksgiving, not the holiday season that begins in september. the music, the lights, the chill in the air, the colors, the smells, the food, the movies....how can one not like the holidays? the gifts are amazing, but what I find even better is the FEELING and the SPIRIT of the holidays. being around family and feeling that warmth has no value that any material object can amount to.

what's your favorite part of the holidays?

homework appears to be calling my name...oh joy to the world.

goodnight!

xoxo

thankful

2010-11-25T10:21:00.000-05:00

I'd like to take this post to say...

happy thanksgiving!

I am thankful for:

- family

- friends

- honus and ruby

- health

- this blog

- my readers

- Edward Cullen (sorry..I couldn't help myself)

- peanut butter

- fruit

- reality television

- fashion

- life

have an amazing day no matter how you are spending it!

xoxo

an update...finally

2010-11-24T11:28:00.000-05:00

f21 skirt, bcbg nude flats

I'd like to start off this post with a warm welcome and hello to all my new readers out there! new readers and commenters are the reason why I continue to post and be a part of the blogging community. so I truly, strongly encourage you to comment if you never have before; don't be shy! and on that same note, I'll try to respond to questions a little more promptly in the comment section, so if you have any thing to ask, refer back to the comments or feel free to use my formspring.

now I have a special update for you all! my room and my art...

remember my inspiration board? IT'S DONE. took a little longer then expected, but it's complete.

well, the board is. the content...not so much.

and how could I not include rpattz?

and my mirrors are finally up!

my unfinished self-portrait

alright my lovely friends, that's it for today.

Have a wonderful Wednesday!

xoxo

intimidation

2010-11-20T12:57:00.000-05:00

thrifted jacket, papaya skirt, f21 shirt

yesterday was my last day before break..and I only went to school for half the day because we were doing absolutely nothing in my classes. sometimes I wonder, what's the point?

anyways, I have a full week to my leisure and I am ecstatic! I can't even begin to believe that Thursday is Thanksgiving. a time of food, food, and wait...more food, plus the thanks, of course. it can be quite intimidating for me, with my past of ED wrath, but I'm ready to take it on. reality: it's one day a year, with delicious foods that should be enjoyed. one day won't make me 100859340 times heavier, one day won't ruin my life -- this one day should be relished for what it is. besides, Thanksgiving is about family and being grateful for what we have, not calories!

do you develop any fears around the holidays?

if so, what are they?

happy saturday

xoxo

today

2010-11-16T19:29:00.000-05:00

wearing: soccer shorts and a t-shirt

watching: the news (I like to be informed)

wishing for: friday

obsessed with: we r who we r by ke$ha

dreading: the billion tests I have this week

smiling about: thanksgiving, Angelina visiting, and CHRISTMAS!

happy tuesday night

xoxo

that's life. period.

2010-11-14T10:06:00.000-05:00

uo top, f21 shorts

remember this post? the one in which I proclaimed my clean bill of health? well, the clean bill of health became even more permanent yesterday. excuse me if this is TMI, or if you are a male and this wouldn't really mean that much to you (maybe it will, seeing as though you have to deal with it's effects..). but anyways...

I GOT MY PERIOD!

I haven't had it for over a year now, and the little gift mother nature sends every month came...finally. sure, it's nice not to have it, but that's not normal and better yet, not healthy. it's a part of regular, NORMAL life that is inevitable for females, so I am delighted to finally feel semi-regular and normal.

now pardon me while I wallow and eat sweets

just kidding :) (but maybe not about the dessert part..)

happy sunday!

xoxo

choices

2010-11-10T19:08:00.000-05:00

someone please tell me how thanksgiving is in two short weeks?

I feel like school just started, but apparently time doesn't wait for anybody.

I want to thank all readers who put in their two sense about seeing yourself in "reality" aka the REAL you. sometimes just knowing I am not alone is reassuring in itself. the best part of blogging? being able to share hardships/obstacles/feelings regardless of how stupid they may sound and getting feedback. so a big THANK YOU to all who commented. and also, a big THANK YOU to all my readers in general, because you are the reason I keep writing and updating secret doors.

anyway..

I played pick-up games for soccer preseason yesterday. keep in mind that I am a perfectionist, so not being the best isn't really an option. however, seeing that I haven't played soccer (FOR REAL. playing for 1/4 a game and then breaking my wrist doesn't count) in about 2-3 years, my skills were lacking. this is hard for me. I know I have nothing to prove to anybody, but it sort of feels that way. all I have thought about and talked about during these past few years in recovery is how badly I wanted to play soccer, but now I'm wondering if I should even try out. I want it, but then I don't want it. I love it, but then I don't love it. it's a decision I have to make, yet how do I make it?

have you ever been so excited for something, then you were suddenly bombarded with second thoughts?

happy wednesday

xoxo

is that me?

2010-11-08T20:51:00.000-05:00

plato's closet thrifted shoes, tank top turned into a skirt, f21 shirt, uo socks

today during therapy I brought up the subject of seeing myself in reality, something I don't do very often. I have a bunch of different images in my head of what I look like, yet I don't know the truth..or don't seem to want to BELIEVE the truth. the constant banter in my head tells me "I'm not good enough" or "I'm not pretty enough", which is like putting a filter on my eyes, making me perceive myself in a skewed manner. when I see myself in reality, it's only a matter of time until I am influenced by my surroundings to see a completely different person. I brought this up today, because the concept of my REAL appearance, not the image that's in my head, has been on my mind. I find myself making excuses for flattering pictures, like "it's just the angle" or "that doesn't really look like me". and there are many problems with this frame of mind..

a. I deserve to treat myself well

b. I would be hurt if someone else said that to me, so why would I say it to myself?

c. probably the majority of the time...ITS NOT REALITY.

it's logical for someone to look one way, and one way only, so why am I convinced that I look different in different places around different people within a short amount of time? it just doesn't make sense.

I was hesitant to introduce this subject to you all at the risk of being judged or sounding shallow. I am not, in any way at all, fishing for compliments. but I chose to bring it up, because I am hoping some of you all can relate to this "body-identity-crisis-type-thing".

so on that note..

do you see a different "you" throughout the day? week? month? year?

do you think you have a good sense of reality?

phew! that was a long one.

goodnight

xoxo

classic

2010-11-03T21:05:00.000-04:00

no matter what, black and white is always classic.

in fashion.

in photos.

in movies.

are you more of a b&w person or do you prefer color?

goodnight

xoxo

animal print part deux

2010-11-02T11:17:00.000-04:00

my new DV over-the-knee boots!

I had one of the best weekends I've had in a long, long time. It was filled with laughter, dressing up, friends, and just carelessness. Halloween proved to be a major success, which is definitely a first.

And to those of you who are wondering what I was dressed up as: I was Wendy from Peter Pan. I don't have pictures just yet, but maybe I can salvage a few.

what were you for halloween?

by the way..can anyone believe it's November already? Thanksgiving is just around the corner! meaning my wonderful best friend Angelina will be visiting me soon!!!

happy Tuesday

(I have the day off!)

xoxo

Secret Doors

it's been a while

2012

things I've learned

mind blown

layers

december

thanksgiving 2011

better late than never

highlights

shoes

and I'm back

new york, new york

magical

for the sake of the dress

go go go

claim

fashion through time

excitement

'quakes and 'canes

extras

exciting finds

bargains

horn tooting

absent

1, 2, 3, 4

mishap

starting fresh

prom continued

prom

summer lovin'

no worries

a week

a movie and a wedding

may?

sundress

white out

easter sunday

surprises

continuing triumph

what's been going on

caught my eye

Vacancy Bustier Bikini - Army Green

Long Tail Skirt - Mocha

BANANA BROOCH

prom? summer? college? please.

the "b" word

curls

fear

exhaustion

right now

letting go

scatterbrained

closet love

football-is-over sunday

awkward

home is where the heart is

spring dreaming

just what I needed

back to basics

help

january 9, 2011

spill

2011

art and innocence

santa brought me...

'twas the night before christmas

come on already

zac posen

go go go

relatED

three in one

it's beginning to look a lot like...

thankful

an update...finally

intimidation

today

that's life. period.

choices

is that me?