Monday, November 8, 2010

is that me?

plato's closet thrifted shoes, tank top turned into a skirt, f21 shirt, uo socks

today during therapy I brought up the subject of seeing myself in reality, something I don't do very often.  I have a bunch of different images in my head of what I look like, yet I don't know the truth..or don't seem to want to BELIEVE the truth.  the constant banter in my head tells me "I'm not good enough" or "I'm not pretty enough", which is like putting a filter on my eyes, making me perceive myself in a skewed manner.  when I see myself in reality, it's only a matter of time until I am influenced by my surroundings to see a completely different person.  I brought this up today, because the concept of my REAL appearance, not the image that's in my head, has been on my mind.  I find myself making excuses for flattering pictures, like "it's just the angle" or "that doesn't really look like me".  and there are many problems with this frame of mind..

a. I deserve to treat myself well
b. I would be hurt if someone else said that to me, so why would I say it to myself?
c. probably the majority of the time...ITS NOT REALITY.

it's logical for someone to look one way, and one way only, so why am I convinced that I look different in different places around different people within a short amount of time?  it just doesn't make sense.

I was hesitant to introduce this subject to you all at the risk of being judged or sounding shallow.  I am not, in any way at all, fishing for compliments.  but I chose to bring it up, because I am hoping some of you all can relate to this "body-identity-crisis-type-thing".  

so on that note..
do you see a different "you" throughout the day? week? month? year?
do you think you have a good sense of reality?

phew! that was a long one.


  1. those are very good things to think about. i too, am going through the EXACT same thing. it's hard to look in the mirror and get it through your head all of the "you are pretty" and "you're not fat" that others have said, so instead i say "ugh, i'm so ugly/fat" which in turn hurts me. also, it doesn't help with photos because i am not photogenic, but apparently i'm prettier in real life than in photos. also, when i am around different people, i see myself in a different light. when i'm with my mom, or my boyfriend, i feel beautiful and curvy. when i'm around the "popular kids" i feel ugly and fat. it's also that way in different clothing. i can relate to everything you are saying, and honestly i'm glad i am not the only one. not brown-nosing, but your photos are very good! i'm so sorry that this post is so long...maybe i should blog about it :P

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  3. Yeah I feel that way a lot actually/: Sometimes I look at a picture of myself and I say- wow is that really me?! Nah.. Can't be. That person in the picture is too skinny. So we have to step back from the situation and stop thinking about it. Sometimes we just have to distract ourselves and think about things that make us happy. Because thinking this way usually doesn't make us happy.

  4. I do this all the time. Like Alice said "I'm afraid I can't put it more clearly for I can't understand it myself and being so many different sizes in a day is very confusing." I can relate to that so much. I see myself ugly and fat and still I feel like I overestimate myself, because for some reason I think that in reality I am even uglier and fatter. I am not sure if this will ever change.

  5. I think everyone feels this way sometimes. Whether they show it or not. Even those 'popular girls'. If theres one thing I've learned it's that the most important thing in life is to love yourself. Sure we may look at a photo and say 'thats not how I always look' but why not treasure that look? No one looks great all the time but seeing a beautiful picture of yourself makes you smile. I happen to know of some simply stunning photos of you, ones I'm sure your bloggies would love too ;) And no, its not the lighting or editing that makes them lovely, it's you. You shine emily, whether you know it or not. Treasure the moments when others glimpse it too.

  6. Great post. First I love your new header. It is so pretty. And I love this post. I feel like every day is battle sometimes. But know that your are strong and gorgeous and talented. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

  7. My sense of reality is ridiculously skewed and yes, I can definitely relate to you. In some pictures I think I'm pretty while in others I do NOT like how I look.. yet.. not much has really changed. I think the thing is, we're TRYING to find something wrong with ourselves because we don't want to/can't believe that we're okay exactly as we are.

  8. Hey! Since I like your blog so much, I gave you an award on my page :) It's on my newest post, and you can comment and follow the rules :)