Wednesday, June 23, 2010

"PLAN"

game: spot the deformity.


tough game, right ;)  This is how my friends and I spend our free time.

Welp, just got back from the pool, like every other day this week.  You know, I may be fair-skinned, but that won't stop me from getting a little color other than red.  I appreciated every single comment on my last two posts, both in regards to my sister's graduation and the hard time I was having.  Notice the emphasis on the was, because I have moved out of that space since then.  Recovery is unpredictable, one day I may be on top of the world, and the next may be a complete bust, I just have to roll with the punches and take each day as it is.  

A day and a half before I leave for Georgia!  I am excited and nervous at the same time.  At my therapy appointment yesterday, we made a "PLAN" for my trip.  The many acronyms my therapist and I made from the word "PLAN" wasted a good ten minutes of the whole hour I was in the office -- Psycho Laws And Nuisances (of course, my sarcasm was in full throttle) and my therapist came up with Positive Love and Nurturing.  Anyways, aside from the possible acronyms, the "PLAN" is intact and remains as follows...

PLAN
  • Remind yourself of your reality now
  • Text or call friends
  • Email or call therapist
  • Check in at least once with therapist (and if I forget..all the better)
  • Get involved in the art, focus on what you're good at
  • Remind self of your recovery [Blog, eating healthy, friends..etc.]
  • Listen to music or read to drown out annoyances
  • Work on boundaries
  • Eat intuitively
  • Blog (hopefully)
  • Go out of comfort zone
  • Bring Blemily
Notice the last bullet, "Bring Blemily", so you are probably wondering who Blemily is, and guess what?  She is talking to you, she posts on this blog, she loves fashion, she is outgoing, she is friendly, she is open, and she is willing.  She is me...on this blog.  However, my facade is Emily. Emily is shy, Emily is quiet, Emily is fearful of rejection,  Emily is me...on the outside.  I don't want to bring the quiet, brick wall to Savannah.  I want to bring the outgoing, friendly character that I know is inside of me.  You all see it, my family sees it, my friends see it, but the world doesn't get very many glimpses of that girl.

I have been reading Goodbye Ed, Hello Me by Jenni Schaefer (second book to Life Without Ed *highly recommend*) and I just recently finished reading the chapter, appropriately named, Waves.  

"I used to live by the motto "Don't make waves."  I did my best not to cause problems or upset anyone.  I was nearly perfect at not rocking the proverbial boat. 
I stayed on the shore worrying about what everyone else thought of me.  I was stuck trying to please all and disappoint none.  The only person I didn't take into account was myself."

This, my friends, fits my facade, Emily, to a tee.  She doesn't want to make a wave, a ripple, a splash, or place a toe in the water, she wants everything to be calm, without fuss.  But Blemily is quite different, however.  She wants to make waves, hell, she even wants to make a tsunami.  And this excerpt shows what Blemily is all about..

"All I can ever do is my best in any given moment.  And my best varies depending on the moment.  Sometimes my best means that I need to get some much-needed rest and relaxation -- and miss someone else's deadline.  For the most part, when I get my needs met, I am better at genuinely meeting other people's needs without felling resentful.
Today I love being out in the water.  I'm not afraid to rock the boat when I need to, and I don't panic when I rock a boat by accident.  Sometimes my actions upset people; sometimes I make mistakes and disappoint others.  If you live your entire life without ever disappointing anyone, you're not living."

So what does this have to do with anything?  I don't want to live in fear.  I don't want to walk into next week feeling scared to start up a conversation, ask a question, stand up for what I believe in, or just be social in general.  I am going there for me.  And that's exactly who I am going to be.  There is no doubt in my mind that I am going to make waves.

1. Acronyms for the word "PLAN"?
2.  Do you make waves in your own life?

hope you enjoyed the long post!
xoxo

9 comments:

  1. Ack! I am so excited for you! You will have a great time. The summer seminar kids are here in Atlanta right now and they are having a great time. Getting swept up with the idea of their future and the idea of college living! It will be very easy to get swept away in all the work!

    The ups and downs you are talking about, I feel the same way. Actually, my final project for Bookmaking was about the ups and downs of recovery, I've been meaning to photography it!

    Oh, and when you're in Savannah you have to go to Broughton St. (That's the main street) and go to the Marc Jacobs. And you HAVE to go to the Paris Market, it's a gorgeous store. It is so your style! You can find so much cute stuff to decorate your gorgeous space!

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  2. Oh Emily this is faulous :) I love how you are so prepared for this trip.. it's like you have ED insurance ;P

    <3 Tat

    Have an amazing time!

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  3. such a great post sweetie :] you are so amazing and i'm so happy you are in a better place. i'm so excited for you to go away -- its going to be so good for you to get out there and on your own.
    love you!

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  4. so glad to heat you're feeling more content :)
    ahh waves, ed hatess waves & desperately avoids them. i'm trying to step out of that, waves are necessary for living fully!

    PLAN--pot luck A N. lol fail.

    girl you are going to take SCAD by storm, blemily freaking rocks :)
    loveee
    emily

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  5. I LOVE you for creating PLAN, Emily - it is like a surefire way that you will succeed in every possible way!

    I so need to check out Jenni's books. Definitely this weekend!! :)

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  6. GREAT plan, Emily! I know it will all come to fruition. Awesome photos!!

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  7. Put
    Love
    At
    New heights
    (meaning to love everyone unconditionally!)

    making waves does put people in trouble in times but its living that causing these waves so whats the problem with that? :)

    your going to do amazingly:)

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  8. I'm glad we got to see this side of you-I love blemily!<3

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