Wednesday, February 24, 2010

the glass is half full

I can honestly say I've never been as optimistic in my recovery as I am now.  
I can finally see a light.  a real light!  something inside me has clicked in the past few days..I can't really say what that "something" is.  All I know is that I am hungrier and more eager to eat than ever.  There was a time when eating was dreaded, now I can't imagine myself NOT eating.

I asked my therapist, "how can it be this easy?".
because right now I have nothing to really complain about.  I don't really have any major problems.
I'm not really used to that.  It seems way, way too simple.  too dream-like.  
Am I actually happy? In RECOVERY?!  Gaining WEIGHT?!
 God forbid that be the case.

I've never expressed this before in my posts, but there were times when I never thought I would find my way out of this.  I really thought I was in this for life.  I would look at all the wonderful food blogs, thinking - I'll never ever ever have the guts to even attempt to eat that.  But you know what I did today?  You know what I did that was TOTALLY uncharacteristic of me?  
I took a spoon, got some AB, and took a big 'ol swig of it. 
I swear, something never tasted so good.

Oh and did I mention that soccer season started up this week.  Tryouts are done and over with.
 Guess what position I got???!!!


No, but really, I am grateful.  The coach understands my situation and is gracious about the whole thing.
Hopefully I'll get to play for him next year!

and by the way who says it isn't spring?

maybe I'm just a little too anxious for warmer weather, sporting this almost-tank-top-but-not-really top.
hey, a girl can hope, right? or perhaps more like wishful thinking? :)

Before I forget, thank you for all the wonderful suggestions last post!  I will put 'em to good use and let you know how it goes.


1. What is one thing you like to eat or drink right out of the container?  
Most definitely nut butters for moiiii.
2.  One place you'd rather be right now?



  1. Looooooooove the tights lady. And here's to you feeling better!

  2. first of all, you are beautiful. i say it in every post but i can't stop! sorry!
    you are amazing. i also say that on every post but hey, can't deny the truth.
    i am so proud of you girlie and this post just made my day. you have so much going for you and you ARE going to make it through this. stay strong and keep fighting! and don't let your guard down--ed loves to ruin these types of moments.
    love you soooo much

  3. how amazing! I've only been following ur blog for a little while but I must say I am so impressed and happy for u! it sounds like something truly clicked for u and how wonderful! just keep on this positive path u can definitely overcome all of this! also u look very pretty in that dress!

  4. haha umm. i like to drink whatever i crave to drink in the middle of the night; anddd OMGOSH anywhere warm please!

    you look beautiful in that outfit!<3

  5. 1. Beautiful Outfit, as usual.
    2. Congratulations on manager :)
    3. You have made such immense progress, this is a hugeeeee step. From this point on, things should be easier as long as you remember how you feel right now: that recovery is SO SO worth it, that eating is FANTASTIC, and that a spoon of nutbutter will not make you fat, but taste utterly DELICIOUS!

  6. this post made me smile SO big!! i'm so happy for you em! (can i call you that? lol oops i just did) hey, manager is a real position, they work hard! CUTE outfit lady! and the AB moment = awesome. i love eating nut butter straight out of the jar too. something huge for me was doing that for the first time, measuring is a huge problem for me!

  7. Those tights are perfect! You look so radiant and happy in these pictures (:

  8. EMILY!
    This is exactly what I like to hear!
    I can't say just how happy I am for you for being in such a happy place! The courage you have shown, through the good times and the bad, has been immesurable, as has your percistence and perseverence.
    I am so proud of you for sticking by yourself, doing what is right. It's so easy to get into a negative mindset, convincing yourself you'll be this way forever, but it's extremely difficult to get yourself out. Difficult, but not impossible, and you've done it!
    You've challenged the ED thoughts, and put your own thoughts in place of ED's.
    You're so brave, so strong, so inspiring.

    I admire you, Emily, and my heart is with you all the way.
    You've done such amazing things, beautiful girl.
    You will continue to shine.

    I love you!

    Eleanor. xo

  9. Emily, I love that smile. The inner happiness radiates. Good for you girl! I'm proud of you. xoxo

  10. I love to hear this and look beautiful! I think it's the happiness insides you that makes you even more stunning...

    xxx Julia (Taste of Living)

  11. Emily!
    I am sorry I haven't commented in awhile, but I feel like I just HAD to today! I just wrote a post very similar to this one.. I can relate so well to where you are in recovery right now.. doesn't it feel FABULOUS!?


    PS.. I love eating yogurt straight from the big containers :P.. and I would rather be on the beach with you!

  12. Emily, thanks for stopping by my blog too! I am going to follow you from now on to keep up with what your up too :) Love the outfit...I can see why your LIVING to wear it! You are beautiful!
    I love to make my own almond butter and eat it right from a spoon too! I would also rather be at the BEACH...miss St.Thomas!!

  13. I eat peanut butter out of the container every day!

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  14. I love you, I love you, I love you - horray for a bright outlook on life! And congratulations on snagging the position of manager - show them who's boss, my love!

    Adoring your ensemble - as always. And I eat peanut butter out of the container all the time - though I'm not supposed to because I'm allergic. And you know I want to be in New York City right now, so you don't even need to ask me that!! :)

  15. Wow, Emily! I am so proud of you. You are an inspiration, the optimism you have right now is precisely what I need!

  16. peanutbutterpeanutbutterpeanutbutter. nooo doubt on that one. I would love to go anywhereee warm! i am sosososo happy for you. keep movin along, you are absolutely fabulous!