Monday, November 30, 2009

shedding tears, but gaining so much more

Hello my loves.

Today was slow, tiring, and rainy – expected of a Monday, right?

My therapy appointment was interesting today, it brought me lots of thoughts.  It made me realize all the weight health I’m gaining – despite how great that is, mind you, it IS  hard.  It is a struggle.  It is tears. It is frustration. While at the same time it is everything I could ever hope for, I just don’t know it yet.

When I was deep in this thing, deeper than I am now, tears would flow so easily.  They would be a daily occurrence in my life.  Now, however, they are a rare sight.  If I’m crying – it because I am truly upset.  Sometimes, though, crying helps.  It translates your emotions to the world - an international sign of sadness, joy, or pain.  Today my tears represented the anxiety that comes with facing a fear, in this case gaining health.  Over a miniscule thing…what – a restaurant to go to?  It made me realize the silly little things I would cry about, but how serious they were at the time.  If we went to a place I didn’t like (or ED didn’t like), I’m pretty sure it was Armageddon. 

Of course there will be times when crying is totally  necessary and I just won’t be able to control myself.  But looking back on my crying history, I’m pretty proud to say that all those tears were worth it.  I am a better, stronger, more optimistic person because of them.  Compared to this time last year – I might as well be a different human being.  It is marvelous to be able to go days without shedding a single tear…or maybe it’s just because there are no more left :)

If you are stuck in a rut, can’t seem to find your way out, and start to break down and cry, just remember – every tear that falls is a sign.  A sign that you are strong, brave, and willing to fight, because why on earth would you be crying in the first place if you weren’t struggling?  

Enough serious talk…here’s my look -

9-6 008

Old Navy purple v-neck
F21 tiered polka-dot skirt
Wet Seal charcoal
leggings boots

That’ll be it for tonight folks, I’m tired and need to get my daily dose of Twilight in before I go to bed.

Goodnight!

10 comments:

  1. Emily, you are incredibly inspiring. I read your blog and I am just like WOAH! This girl has got it going ON! lol

    I LOVE that skirt... love, love love!

    Enjoy Twilight! What book are you on?

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  2. I entirely agree with you about the tears... I find no shame in my tears, because, like you said, it's part of our transition into a stronger person..

    I'm so happy to hear that you feel this way! Keep up the good work :)

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  3. First, I love your look sweetie... you really rock that kind of skirt.

    With regards to the bouts of sadness, yes it's just part of life. And crying helps a lot too. And I agree with you that crying makes you stronger. Gosh, I can't believe I'm hearing this serious talk from a 16 y/o. You are so bright Emily! Hugs!

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  4. first off love the outfit!!
    beautiful post :) i totally relate, a couple months ago the dumbest things (when to have dinner) would send me into tears, and i would just cry and not know what to do. i always felt so lost.
    for me this isn't gone yet, and i don't know if it ever will, but now i am proud to say that i am better with dealing with the little things and keeping my emotions at bay. ah but the truth still is, i am a cry baby and i'm okay with it :)
    love this post muchooo

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  5. I saw the photo of your skirt on my blog dashboard and I squealed - you are so adorable.
    But to more serious matters! I agree with you in that crying is a healthy release of emotions. But when it's about the most trivial of things, crying seems pointless. It's a way of getting rid of feelings you don't know how to release or express, and a way of trying to get rid of the fears you have.
    I've always been a water fountain, but being able to go for days without feeling the need to cry is such a relief!

    Your words, as always, are wise ones. :)

    Have a wonderful night, and enjoy your daily dose of Twilight!

    Love,
    Eleanor. xo

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  6. beautiful post, you have a way with words they just seem to flow beautifully

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  7. You're just so..... BEAUTIFUL and your clothes are to die for! You must have an enormous closet!
    xx

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  8. lovely words, so much truth in this post. crying is okay, that's something i've learned throughout recovery and therapy. crying is a release, a therapeutic technique.

    adorable outfit!
    love,
    lexi

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  9. i cry in my car sometime, for no real reason and i am 48. crying is therapy for your heart...but...we all look better when we smile...the tears are the clouds and the smile is the rainbow. you are a lovely girl emily. from, some lady who knows your you and your mom very well.

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  10. Emily, I just have to say that crying is sometimes the best release. As of late, I've fallen back into some of my old habits, and I found myself crying just yesterday. It's the littlest things that can trigger such deep emotions. I commend you for being able to admit, and share with the world, your struggles. You are such a strong person, and you will get through this. Knowing that you are gaining weight is the hardest part of recovery; but it also shows how much progress you are making. I'm so proud of you - I know I say that too much, but it's the truth!

    By the way, love your outfit - I think I need to steal your skirt and boots...too cute! :)

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